I Can not wait until May 1 2012

hey Z esters :) ( i like this one )
so things with RAY are getting a little harder :( I have never felt like this about anyone i think that this guys is amazing and i want to tell him that he is someone that i want to get to know more. i have promised myself that i will not say anything about it until after my birthday ^ you see when i was 16 i made a promise to God that i would stay single until i was 25 i think that there is a lot that God wanted to do in my life and i think that i would loss focus if there was someone else in the picture with me now i know that there is no guarantee that he feels the same in fact that is something that i have been working though one this has been the color issue i have never care that my ex's were white and i think that the first guy that i ever said i love you too was white ( i was 14 and really did mean it at the time not sure if it is the same now ) but with this guy after the "crush" feelings passed i got this feeling of oh what the heck i am not even sure that he would understand the 2 different worlds it has never and again i say never bothered me being the only black person in a crowed in fact 8 times out of 10 its going to happen because of the scene that i am in i am a prep that loves country (not a whole lot of blacks in this world ) but when i realized that i had true  feelings for him it came on stronger i became so aware of it all and it made me feel so uneasy. however yesterday we were hanging out and i had this feeling that i should share it so i told him that how i felt about the whole color thing and the first thing out of his mouth is that he didn't even notice that i was just other one of his friends which made me smile




i would love to write me but i am going to hang out with some babies and i need to get ready :)

this is Orange and i am out :)

25 Reasons why i can see myself in love with you :)

1. you have the BIGGEST heart for God 
2. you have an amazing heart for people 
3. your friends mean the world to you 
4. you love country music 
5. you are heart is to be a husband ( you are going to be a great Husband)
6. you want to be a father sooner then later 
7. your are awesome with kids ( i know that you are going to be a great father ) 
8. you know more then one Language 
9. you always want to learn something new 
10. you are so close with your family 
11. you are an amazing cook 
12. you are an awesome teacher 
13. you are a great listener 
14. you give great advice 
15. you are so cute : ) even when you fart when you think no is around or when your nose runs because it is so cold 
16. you are you 
17. i miss you when you are gone even though we are just friends 
18. you can make me smile when i want to cry
19. you remind me that i may not be where i want to be but i need to be glad that i am not were i was 
20. you call me beautiful when you think that i can't hear you 
21. you flirt with me shamelessly
22. when ever i see you or think about you my heart skips a beat 
23. i hate when i have to go a day without seeing or talking to you 
24. you want to know me for me 
25. you see the me who i can be even when i don't