hey Z esters :) ( i like this one )
so things with RAY are getting a little harder :( I have never felt like this about anyone i think that this guys is amazing and i want to tell him that he is someone that i want to get to know more. i have promised myself that i will not say anything about it until after my birthday ^ you see when i was 16 i made a promise to God that i would stay single until i was 25 i think that there is a lot that God wanted to do in my life and i think that i would loss focus if there was someone else in the picture with me now i know that there is no guarantee that he feels the same in fact that is something that i have been working though one this has been the color issue i have never care that my ex's were white and i think that the first guy that i ever said i love you too was white ( i was 14 and really did mean it at the time not sure if it is the same now ) but with this guy after the "crush" feelings passed i got this feeling of oh what the heck i am not even sure that he would understand the 2 different worlds it has never and again i say never bothered me being the only black person in a crowed in fact 8 times out of 10 its going to happen because of the scene that i am in i am a prep that loves country (not a whole lot of blacks in this world ) but when i realized that i had true feelings for him it came on stronger i became so aware of it all and it made me feel so uneasy. however yesterday we were hanging out and i had this feeling that i should share it so i told him that how i felt about the whole color thing and the first thing out of his mouth is that he didn't even notice that i was just other one of his friends which made me smile
i would love to write me but i am going to hang out with some babies and i need to get ready :)
this is Orange and i am out :)
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